At the end of last year I told myself I wanted to stop sketching and instead try harder projects with more discipline. As a requirement for trying I did a lot, failed a lot, and learned a lot.
Doing
Towards the tail end of 2024 I had some software ideas and managed to make a few into reality in 2025:
Link Dump - an ephemeral link canvas that I have talked about probably like all the time. Please give me feedback I’m all ears!!
inprogress.works (side project accountability app - in very early beta) is a weekly check in on your side projects and way to cheer each other on! It’s also a way to visualize your progress at the end of the year. I wanted a bidirectional social network where people could find each other based on what they make (which I consequently believe is to be a truer representation of self)
I also to my surprise went on a retreat, gave a talk, and demos of Link Dump which I didn’t expect at all. I feel very lucky and blessed to have been able to connect with others over my art instead of just solely squirreling away into my room.
Looking back, when I bought the connie.surf domain name in July 2023, I wasn’t sure what it would become. It’s nice to see how much my practice has changed through the development of my website. I’ve recently converged my work archive into a more thesis-based archive. Currently, I’m very interested in values based software…
It’s nice to see a form to take shape…
Failing
Sometime in the fall, I was asking someone for advice, complaining I was burned out. He told me he didn’t think burn out exists, and if you are, that means you are doing things for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes you know exactly what trap you should avoid, and even write a blog post on it, yet make the same mistake again. In 2024 when I started making art seriously again, I came to the eventual conclusion I cannot do things solely for the outcome. Yet in 2025 even though everything I did was in earnest, I still held a specific expectation that at the end of it all, if I tried my best, I would get exactly what I want.
Part of the issue is what I wanted existed at odds with each other. I wanted to create software that ascribed towards my art practice. I wanted to be an amazing product designer. What I spent time making on the side critiqued software and took several sentences to explain and didn’t make money. What would have helped my product design career would be designing more beautiful surfaces that made money.
I spent time trying to pursue both and took poor care of myself. Because I had told myself this year I would do The Thing, even if it was hard, that meant I would get home after work to do more work. Because it wasn’t a muscle I was used to, I would procrastinate or lose focus, work into late hours once I realized time was running out, and wake up sleep deprived which made me irritable and prone to stress.1
Being stressed would then lead me to take things even more seriously. I remember one day I couldn’t debug my app during coworking2 and was acting like it was the end of the world to my friend’s confusion. I often felt frustrated, which made me feel like I was working towards something valiant and important but in the long run also erased the fun out of everything. I knew people doing whimsical things in SF but could not understand how to do that when it felt like to me time was always running out. I used to love doing things for the bit and lost that part of myself.
And then at the end of it all, around December, I felt like all that self-imposed stress I went through wasn’t worth it.
Learning
There are certain outcomes I wanted, I wanted my 9-5 to align better, I wanted to become more known for what I do (okay I wanted more followers on social media), I wanted to eat the marshmallow instead of waiting, whatever it was. At the same time, I wasn’t willing to do what was necessary to achieve certain goals. I wasn’t ready to jump into a 9-9-6 without finishing my passion projects first or create a “24 things I learned by 24” and put my face in front of a camera. I just wanted to make my app that took a sentence too many to describe.
In December, my friend lent me the Motern Method, a book by the guy who write hyperspecific songs about places and things, and has made enough money from streaming that it’s become his full time job. After he writes 20,000 songs he writes “I finally quit my day job after 17 years. I was now a full-time artist. It was glorious!”.
I took myself so seriously this year, expecting to get everything I wanted by the end of it that I was no longer having fun anymore. Maybe it’ll take 17 years, or even longer, or even never! To make without expectation is to make because it’s fun. I hope to approach 2026 with more levity this year!
Bonus notes: media I liked this year
Stories of your life and others, Ted Chiang - the titular short story and division by zero changed my life. Great stories about change and acceptance
April’s Struggling artist game - still a WIP but recognized myself in the cards!
Here for the wrong reasons, Charles Brokowski (Are.na founder) - I’m very aligned with this essay, this is why I do things. This is why I worked on Link Dump.
Sonny boy - anime about students stranded in surreal worlds and how they change. the first anime series I’ve watched in two years so that should be saying something.
Zootopia 2 lol
To write in 2026:
legibility - catering to the algorithm, fact from fiction, I’m having trouble being vulnerable online… this blog/my art account existing in the paradox of being public yet wanting to be private
everyone should be an artist/anyone can be an artist
overrendering in product development and oil painting
I am schedule sending this for the last minute of 2025 - happy new year!!!
being stressed also just creates a negative atmosphere, I’m hoping to work on being more calm under pressure this year!!
speaking of coworking, thank you to everyone I’ve coworked with in some capacity this year!!! it is one of my favorite things to do… I am always down…
"I spent time trying to pursue both and took poor care of myself. Because I had told myself this year I would do The Thing, even if it was hard, that meant I would get home after work to do more work. Because it wasn’t a muscle I was used to, I would procrastinate or lose focus, work into late hours once I realized time was running out, and wake up sleep deprived which made me irritable and prone to stress"
this happens to me regularly and its awful
your writing is very relatable. ive been facing the same paradox and i keep deactivating my art account. i'm very shy about putting my thoughts/art out into the world, but i also want to???? there are so many projects i've been wanting to do too, but they are all just written about in my journal. this gives me a push to focus on bringing them to life without any pressure about perfection and outcomes, while balancing everything else. thank you for your writing connie! <3